Deluge
by Aeliia
Summary: In which Kaneki is troubled and Hide is the answer.


_whoa, it's been a really long time since I've actually been active on here hahahaha_

_so root a killed me. this is how I'm coping with it._

_so actual notes: idk if they would really announce CCG and ghoul stuff on TV? at least not specific ghouls, but for the sake of the story let's pretend they do. this is set a little bit after Kanou's lab when everyone's just chillin and stuff. I meant to make Kaneki open up more to Hide, but that's not how it played out in words, so this is how it ended up. whatever enjoy some quickly written hidekane fluff_

* * *

Kaneki didn't know what the hell he was doing.

Standing outside of Hide's front door in the pouring rain, Kaneki was at war with himself, deciding whether or not to knock. After all he had done trying to keep Hide from knowing his secret, after all he had been through trying to protect the ones closest to him, here he was about to throw all of that effort away like two-month old trash. Half of him pleaded him to knock, telling him that Hide would be overjoyed to see him, even if it were at some ungodly hour in the morning. He wouldn't care; it was Hide. The other half of him, however, told him that if he did, it would just be that much harder to leave again, and that it wasn't worth the danger it would put Hide in. Both of these arguments were true, leaving Kaneki in a mess of indecisive confusion.

Kaneki knew he hadn't been fair to Hide. Disappearing out of the blue like that must have left him with an innumerous amount of questions that he thought he would never get answers to. Until now, probably. But Kaneki knew Hide would never ask anything he thought would be too nosy; he had always been good about giving Kaneki his personal space—mentally, at least. Hide was quite the physical contact person.

Kaneki didn't mind that at all.

While his subconscious was at war with itself, Kaneki sat down, back against the wet wall of the building and face in his hands. _I should just go_, he thought to himself. _I won't be doing either of us any good. I can't stay, and he won't understand that. If I see him, it'll just complicate things even further. But I want to see him. I want to make sure he's doing okay, and that he's not worrying about me because I'm fine and everything will be okay but I can't stay because I have to get stronger to protect him and Touka and the manager and everything will be okay and—_

"I'm not okay," Kaneki murmured to himself. He hid his face between his knees, pulling his arms around his legs. The rain soaked his entire body, chilling him to the bone. He was so exhausted he felt sick. All he wanted to do was lie down in a warm bed and sleep for days. He had been out on his own like this for a few days now; after Kanou's lab, he needed a break from everything. His nightmares had also gotten worse. Instead of seeing himself in that chair being tortured by Yamori, he saw Hide and Touka, the two people he wanted to protect the most. It was agonizingly painful to watch, thus resulting in him only getting about two or three hours of sleep per night—if he were lucky.

The heavy downpour drowned out the sound of a door creaking open. But it didn't stop the familiar voice from reaching Kaneki's ears. "Kaneki?" Hide questioned. "Is that really you, man?"

Kaneki went rigid. Slowly, he looked up and saw Hide's face dangerously close to his. He jumped back.

"Whoa, hey, it's fine. I'm not gonna bite you or anything. That's a pretty cool new hairstyle." Hide gave a nervous laugh, then cleared his throat. Kaneki still didn't speak. All of the words he wanted to say were stuck in his throat like glue. He was so taken aback at seeing his best friend again that he almost felt like crying. Had it really been that long since they had seen each other?

Yes, it had been. Hide's hair was longer now, and his face looked more full and mature. His jawline was more prominent. But his warm brown eyes hadn't changed, and neither had his bleached hair. Kaneki was glad to see that hadn't changed; he had always liked Hide's dyed hair color.

Even now, in the darkness of the night and rain, Hide was radiant like the sun. Kaneki wanted nothing more than to melt into the warmth of his friend, for Hide to tell him everything would be alright because he was crap at convincing himself of that. He wanted to run, but he wanted to stay. Leaving now would be a horrible thing to do to Hide, though, so he swallowed his fears and looked into the eyes of his friend. "Hey, Hide," Kaneki spoke quietly, barely above the pounding of the rain on the pavement.

"Hey," Hide replied softly back, smiling. A small smile made its way onto Kaneki's face as well, and he let Hide help him up. "Let's get you inside."

Kaneki allowed himself to be led inside. Hide would probably make him take a bath to get him warmer. Nothing had changed since Hide had begun to rent the flat. There were a few new knick-knacks here and there, but nothing else. They passed the kitchen to get to the hall where the bathroom was. Kaneki noticed some newspapers scattered on the counter, each opened to an article about the CCG or ghoul activity. He thought he saw the word "Centipede" in the title of one.

"You must be freezing," Hide said to him as "You should take a bath. Take as much time as you need, I'll get some towels ready for you and your futon."

Kaneki smiled to himself about having guessed exactly what his friend would do. "Okay," he said. Closing the door to the bathroom, Kaneki peeled off his tight, wet clothing and tossed them on the countertop in a pile. Bathing was a blissful experience. The hot water caressed his skin and took the edge off the numbness that had begun creeping into his body from the cold. He got out fifteen minutes later even though he would have liked to stay in longer, not wanting to keep Hide up for too long. He probably had classes in the morning. It was then that Kaneki realized he didn't even know what day it was anymore, and he felt oddly sad.

His life was so screwed up. He had known this, of course, but it had never hit him full-force until then. Kaneki recalled the days when he worried about getting a date and about grades. Problems like that, which seemed so stressful when they actually mattered, were something he wished for, yearned for now. He _wished_ all he had to worry about was whether or not he were going to pass the class, or whether he would have time to go to a book signing. How ignorant he had been, thinking those silly little problems were overwhelming.

There was a knock on the door. Kaneki wrapped the towel he had been using to dry off around his waist and said, "Come in." Hide opened the door, a bundle of clothes in his arms.

"Sorry, I couldn't find the clothes you left over here, so you can borrow some of mine," he said, placing them on the counter. He pointed to Kaneki's wet clothes. "Want me to hang those for you?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"No problem! Come out when you're ready, I've got the futon made and everything."

"Okay. Thank you, Hide."

Hide smiled and gave him a thumbs up, then turned and left, shutting the door behind him. Kaneki looked at what Hide had given him to change into. He recognized it; it was a t-shirt Hide had often worn in high school. Hide had grown out of it, but it would probably fit Kaneki. Kaneki slipped it on, noting that it fit him perfectly. He smelled it, reveling in the fact that he could smell ten times better than he used to. Hide's scent hadn't changed either. It still reminded Kaneki of warmth and comfort, but, most of all, home.

The pants were some shorts that were a size too big, but that was okay. Hide had even brought Kaneki some socks, which Kaneki found sweet. He had remembered how cold Kaneki's feet would get.

Kaneki emerged from the bathroom, feeling more refreshed than he had in a long time. He looked for Hide and found him in the living room in the front of the house watching the news. There was a report about ghouls going on. Hide's face lit up when Kaneki entered the room, and Kaneki couldn't deny that his stomach fluttered when it did that.

"You wanna go to sleep, or stay up a bit? I'm actually not that tired, I had some coffee earlier, and I guess it's still in my system. How about you?" Hide asked.

"We can stay up," Kaneki answered, taking a seat on the sofa by Hide. Hide nodded. They sat quietly for a few moments, the only sound being the conversation on the news on TV.

"_And would you say the number of ghoul attacks has increased in the last few months_?" the female reporter asked a man in a chair next to her. An interview with a high-up CCG worker, Kaneki assumed.

"_While there has been an appearance of some higher-class ghouls recently, the number has stayed relatively the same_," the man answered.

"_Along the lines of higher-class ghouls, have there been any updates on the ghoul known as Centipede_?"

Kaneki glanced at Hide nervously. Hide seemed unfocused; his eyelids drooped, and he rubbed them. He had lied about not being tired. Kaneki wasn't sure how Hide had known he was there. Had he made any noise that had alerted him? No, all he had done was walk up to the house and loiter for about fifteen minutes. So then, how?

"_The Centipede ghoul is an entirely new ghoul on our radar. He appeared recently during a CCG investigation and injured many investigators. He is an extremely powerful opponent, and the CCG is doing all we can to eliminate him as a threat_."

"Hey, Hide?" Kaneki spoke softly.

Hide turned his head. "Yeah?"

"How did you know I was outside?"

Hide exhaled through his nose. "I don't know. I just felt like I needed to look outside, and there you were. Guess you're pretty lucky my intuition is so strong." He grinned.

Kaneki didn't answer, opting to look at the ground instead of at his friend. Then, after a moment, he spoke again. "…Are you angry?"

This time, it was Hide who was silent. Hide could smile all he wanted, but Kaneki knew he had deeply hurt his best friend. He had hurt a lot of people, but Hide was the one person he didn't want to hurt the most, and he had gone and done just that. "I'm sorry, Hide…" he whispered. "I'm sorry…"

"_What is the estimated class of the Centipede ghoul_?"

"Kaneki…" Hide began, but stopped. Kaneki looked up and met his friend's tired eyes. Then, "You really had me worried, you know?"

"I know, I…it was for the best. You wouldn't be safe around me since I'm—" Kaneki stopped, eyes widening at the realization that he had almost stated he was a ghoul. "Never mind," he quickly added.

Hide sighed. "I know you're a ghoul, Kaneki. I've known all along."

"_The CCG has estimated that Centipede is a class SS ghoul because of his abilities and injuries inflicted upon investigators. He is also a kakuja, or a ghoul that has consumed other_"—Hide shut off the TV. Kaneki sat motionlessly. Thankfully, he didn't have to speak. Hide spoke for him.

"I can't imagine what you've had to go through. It's probably been a tough time for you. I just wish…I wish I had been there with you. I joined the CCG to try to get some information about your whereabouts, and I followed people I thought might be ghouls. It didn't really get me anywhere, though. I was still as far from seeing you yesterday as I was the minute you disappeared."

Kaneki looked down at the floor, letting his hair cover his eyes. Guilt rose within him.

"But now you're here, and that's all that matters, right?" Hide finished. His friend scooted closer to him, and Kaneki stiffened. "You don't have to be afraid anymore, Kaneki. You don't have to hide from me." He lightly touched Kaneki's face, trying to get him to look at him. Kaneki did. They stared at each other for a moment before Hide brushed his fingers over Kaneki's lips and then leaned in. Kaneki's eyes went wide in surprise. Hide released his lips when he didn't get a response and quickly looked away. "S-Sorry, I just—"

Hide was silenced by Kaneki's mouth on his again. Their lips brushed together feverishly, and the kiss quickly deepened. Kaneki felt all of his repressed affections for Hide resurface, and he wondered how he managed to stay away this long. _Never again_, he told himself, sucking on Hide's bottom lip. Hide pulled Kaneki closer, his hands finding their way into his hair and intertwining themselves in it. Kaneki cupped his friend's face. He lost himself in Hide's soft lips, forgetting everything that had happened up to that point. All that mattered was Hide—nothing else.

They lingered on each other's lips a moment before pulling apart. Kaneki was ninety-nine percent sure he was blushing furiously and that his hair was a mess, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Throwing his arms around Kaneki, Hide mumbled in his ear, "God, I've missed you."

Kaneki blinked out the tears of happiness forming in his eyes. "I've missed you too, Hide."

It was true. Over the months, Kaneki had tried to force any thoughts of Hide and the others out of his mind. It had worked for some time after Aogiri, but lately it had been harder than ever to shut his emotions and personal wants out. All he wanted was to be with the ones he loved, the ones he wanted to get stronger for. Yet here he was, hurting them while not even with them. But when he was with them, he endangered them. And still he wanted to be around them. How selfish of him.

_Stop_, he told himself. Thinking like that wouldn't solve anything; it would only make it harder on himself. Kaneki wrapped his arms around Hide tighter, trying to dispel the abhorrent thoughts.

Hide pulled back and looked Kaneki in the eyes. "I know you're hurting, Kaneki."

_The only one I'm hurting is you._

"You can tell me what's on your mind."

_I don't want you to see the real me._

"I'll always be someone you can talk to. I'll always be here, and I'll always be your best friend."

"Thank you, Hide," Kaneki said, his thanks genuine. But he wasn't ready to tell Hide what all was going on in his mind. Not yet.

Hide seemed to perk up. "Wanna play some video games, man? I'll let you pick."

Kaneki smiled. "Yeah. That would be nice."

They ended up playing video games until the storm lifted, when they eventually went to sleep. Dawn peeked at the world from behind clouds as they climbed into bed together, the futon on the ground abandoned. Kaneki snuggled closely to Hide, even though the bed was far too warm for either of their liking. It wasn't Hide's fault that he radiated heat; you can't help being pure sunshine, after all.

For once, Kaneki fell into a deep, blissful sleep.


End file.
